Eavesdropping On The Ward

First of all, I am not one to share my living space with strangers.  So anytime I have had to stay in the hospital, I have opted for a private room.  Since my latest stay was an emergency, however, there were no private rooms available so I was forced to stay with the common folk.  I know….I know….Beyonce would never put up with that, and I am in the process of writing a stern letter to the hospital administration.

The interesting thing about sharing a room with three other people is the false sense of security that they get thinking that the thin curtain around their beds (falling one foot short of the floor) provides any semblance of privacy.  So while lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, I have overheard some doozies of conversations!   Here is a sampling:

CONVERSATION # 1:

Woman: I don’t want the IV type of chemo, I want the pill.  Mavis took the pill and she didn’t even lose her hair.  I’ll just tell the doctor to give me the pill.  I’m sure it’s all the same.

Man:  Now Mother, don’t be hasty.  I’ve heard that if you eat lots of corn while your hair is growing back, it will come in all yellow and curly.  Maybe you should take the IV so you will get nicer hair.

(An actual conversation between a 70ish year old woman and her fifty-something son).

CONVERSATION # 2:

Woman 1: IF SOMEONE DON’T GET ME SOME  #@%#%)*(^^%^%^$t^@ DRUGS  SOON, I’M GONNA BLOW THIS PLACE UP!

Woman 2: Calm down, Shelly.  It is your own fault.  If you hadn’t been so drunk last night, you never would have fallen and broken your arm in the first place.

Woman 1:  I’VE BEEN HERE FOR NEARLY 12 HOURS AND IF I DON’T GET OUTTA HERE SOON I’M GONNA STRANGLE SOMEONE WITH THIS  @^%$**^&^%%%^$$  I.V. CORD!

(Don’t quote me on this, but I believe that conversation happened between two nurses.  However I was a bit loopey from the drugs, so it could have been a patient and her friend.)

CONVERSATION # 3:

Woman:  PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT-tut-tut-toooooooot!

Me:  Excuse me lady, but that curtain does not stop noises from crossing over to my side of the room…..nor does it stop smells!

 

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9 thoughts on “Eavesdropping On The Ward

    • Ha…..even when I am sleeping my mind is working on the book, Susan. In fact, I think I may try to include some of this material in the book….just replace some of the boring perks like “I get to sleep in”

  1. I will shoot that corn theory to hell right now. While going through the IV chemo there wasn’t much I could keep down only cream corn, Guess what??? My hair never did come back ……yellow, black, white or green. Nothing. So corn certainly didn’t work for me. Oh wait……maybe it was corn niblets and not cream corn. lol Hope you are feeling better and out of the hospital soon. Take care.

  2. Holy smokes! Well, at least you are laughing. Hope you are feeling better! Thankfully, my hospital doesn’t do shared rooms…never had the pleasure of such entertaining reality.

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