(Caution, contains coarse language. May be offensive to some.)
I am surprised that by now, someone has not done a spoof on the song, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, cause let’s face it, for many people, the days leading up to Christmas are among the most STRESSFUL time of the year. This stress can really take its toll on couples….in particular couples who decide to shop together, as Shawn and I witnessed several times on the weekend.
It was Saturday, December 22 when Shawn and I set off to do some last minute Christmas shopping. By “last minute Christmas shopping” I mean practically ALL of our Christmas shopping. But we were in good spirits and confident that by working together, we could get this thing done. It kinda took us by surprise when we went into the first store and saw a line up of approximately 800 people. But this did not deter us. “I’ll hold your place in line while you shop around” I said. If team shopping was an Olympic sport, Shawn and I would be contenders for the Gold! Unfortunately, not all couples work so well together in the shop setting. I witnessed this conversation between a middle aged couple:
Him: Darling, I thought it would be nice to let you pick out your own presents this year.
Her: You inconsiderate bum, you just left it to the last minute like you always do and now don’t know what to get for me.
Him: Of course I do Sweetheart. I’d like to buy you those jeans you just tried on. They look great on you.
Her: I DON’T WANT THE F$#%&*% JEANS! THEY MAKE MY ARSE LOOK FLAT AS A PANCAKE!
She then proceeded to give him the Medusa look….you know, the look that can turn a man to stone. Last I saw of him he was cowered under the hoodies, poor guy.
Next it was off to Walmart for me and my shopping partner. Walking through the aisles arm in arm, we noticed an elderly couple, their cart laden with fuzzy socks and Axe gift sets. From their conversation, I assumed they were shopping for their grandchildren:
Her: That’s Kaitlyn with a “K”, Caitlyn with a “C”, Brandon, Brendan, Megan and Jack. All done!
I then noticed the old guy reach for a tin of Cadbury milk chocolate covered biscuits.
Her: Who are those for?
Him: Old dear, I thought they would be a nice treat for us to have with a cuppa tea when we get home.
Her: PUT THOSE BACK ON THE SHELF RIGHT NOW! YOUR SUGARS ARE HIGH ENOUGH WITHOUT EATING SWEETS. ALL I NEED IS YOU STROKING OUT ON ME AT CHIRSTMASTIME.
She then gave him “the look”. It stopped him dead in his tracks.
Between the crowded shops and the temper flare ups all around us, Shawn and I decided to call it a day. We had a brilliant plan: the shops would be open early on the morning of Sunday, the 23rd, so we would finish up our list then. Who is going to be out shopping on a Sunday morning? We would practically have the whole mall to ourselves. I was admittedly feeling a little nervous however, as I still had a lot of shopping to do, but not much time in which to do it. I then remembered that American Eagle was having a big sale. Who doesn’t love American Eagle? Sure enough, as I walked in, I immediately spotted a striped shirt that would look sharp on my brother in law, Jeff; a t-shirt that I knew my nephew Brandon would love, and a sweater that would suit my mother to a T. To my dismay however, I soon discovered that, while there was plenty of great clothes in the store, it only came in two sizes: XXS and XXL.
Just then, my phone rang. It was Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn: Mom, do you have all of your shopping done? We need to be at Aunt Sherry’s for 5:00 and we still have a 4 hour drive to get home!
Me: (feeling the panic rise) Kaitlyn, I don’t know what to do! I still have seven gifts to buy, plus I need to go to Sobey’s to buy groceries!
Shawn: (muttering under his breath) I’m not going to Sobey’s.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is when it happened. That is the exact moment that I cracked.
Me: DID I ASK YOU TO GO TO F$#*&%$ SOBEYS WITH ME? I CAN GO TO G$%#@*&% SOBEYS BY MYSELF. I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!
Shawn recoiled in horror. Ask anyone, I am not one to use foul language, and I think it really took him by surprise. During the next hour of shopping, you could cut the tension with a knife, with things almost turning ugly at Sobey’s over a pack of Dainty Rice.
Mind you, I felt perfectly justified at that time for barking at him about the Sobey’s comment, and badgering him over the pack of Dainty Rice. But, ya know, that drive down the Burin Peninsula Highway is a long and lonely one, giving me plenty of time to think. When we get stressed, why do we take it out on the ones we love the most? I guess it is with those people that we feel safe to show our human side, knowing that they will still love us after our little melt down. I sent Shawn a heartfelt “I’m sorry” text, and thanked him for all the thoughtful stuff he did for me on the weekend. I just hope that Granny-No-Biscuits and Mrs-Pancake-Arse also expressed their true feelings to their partners.
Merry Christmas to all!